I fear.

I fear to save these notes in my diary and not talk them out to you. I fear to lose that connect where I could pour all my thoughts and feelings on a paper and you would hear it all in silence. 

I fear to laugh with a hurt heart. I fear to be filled with a thousand things to say, yet no ear to hear. I fear to be alone in a crowd of many. I fear to cry a hundred tears and still tell you that I’m fine. 

I fear to be someone, whom you won’t know. I fear you to be someone, whom I won’t know. I fear to be the one missing you from far. I fear not to be with you in the most beautiful moments of your life. 

I fear to lose this precious bond, which is watched by all and appreciated by very few. I fear a lot of things. But more than anything i fear that one day we might forget to smile, thinking of each other. 

I hold this fear in my heart, but with a promise to never keep you apart. I deal with this mess in my mind with our memories that everyday help me to restart.

In the middle of life, I found life.

Monday, 7:23 PM, and the local was loaded with people returning back home from a busy day at work. Some heading home from college, while some just stepping back to a world, which is either heaven-like or as good as hell. A part of the crowd carried back home a baggage full of worries, while the other half held a smile sparkling with glimpses of memories. Some had dosed off with the tiredness of a hectic day, while some were busy chirping to their loved ones about the stories of today. Some hummed the song tuned in on the radio, while some questioned the darkness in silence.

 In the middle of this rush and chaos, bloomed love. In the middle of the songs, I heard a beautiful rhythm. In the middle of the sleep, I saw a fresh dream. And, in the middle of a millions questions, I found a simple answer. I saw two little flowers living the best part of their childhood. And, the innocent fragrance of their love filled me with pleasure.

 I saw a little boy feeding his little sister with utter care. He held a packet of chips in his hand. He was tiny, but big enough to understand that his baby sister was to be fed in small bits. He broke the chips into pieces and fed the little butterfly with immense patience. This scene embraced my heart with sheer joy. My heart, then, witnessed love in a new form. 

   This is surely no big thing. We’ve obviously seen and lived these moments many times in our lives. But, what made the difference was feeling it all over again. When there are too many stories breathing around us, these little moments, these little gestures are tend to be forgotten. They are what life is all about. They are the little things that life is woven with. They are the precious pearls that keep glowing even in the darkest corners of your heart. They make you, and they break you. But, while you struggle through the dull days of your life, these are the treasures that will hold your hands and walk with you to the brighter sides of life.

The hearts felt light and the soul loved. The old vibes clashed, while the feelings played hide n seek. The air seemed cheery and the eyes nostalgic. That night, when the old friends met, it simply felt like a memory blast. The missing part just grew stronger, and the faded smile instantly joined in. It was different, yet so much reminiscing. It was old, yet pretty refreshing.

 Every face narrated a different story with the words they ever said. Every hug brought back the connection they built during the years of togetherness. And suddenly, the room was filled with a nostalgic rush. Happy, sad, joyous, teary, sinking, exciting, and many other feelings peeped in to join the reunion. This is when they realized how much they had missed each other, how much things had changed, some for good and some for better. They missed each other for the blissful feeling that embraced their hearts with their crazy bonding.  The night passed swiftly and talks didn’t seem to have a pause. There was no hunger for food, but they still ate happily seing each other again. They danced madly because the night had been good to them.

 Time passed by and then it was time to part. Slowly, gradually, the sinking feeling made house in the hearts. They hugged again and again with a hope to see each other soon. It was time to say bye, but with a promise to be in touch. The soul merely cried with the thought of getting back to the routine. And, the eyes kissed each other with a treasure of the memories of that night.

 This is about last last, when the hearts giggled with just the nostalgic vibrations. They were old friends. They were the moments piled up with the regular bits of life.

 They say time is the best healer. Yes! It heals the wounds and mends our soul. It helps us to get over things we thought our heart would never lose a grip of. It changes just as it is meant to and takes us through the beauty of change. The change that is constant. And, the change that shows us a difference everytime it peeps into our life.

 Time is the friend, who teaches us lessons in its playful way. And, it is the teacher, who punishes us when we fail to learn from those lessons. If time scolds us like a mother, it also kisses us happiness like a father. If it teases us like a brother, it also holds us together like a sister.

 Time makes us. Time breaks us. It strengthens our mind and calms our heart. Time fixes the broken pieces. But, yet, somehow, the scars stay. They stay at that precise place and tend to shed a tear everytime we revisit them. Time heals the woes beautifully, but fails to replace the same kind of love that once felt like a magical splash of happiness. It definitely helps us to get over those old times, but we don’t forget them. We collect all those pieces and hide them in the darkest corner of our mind. These flashes of moments don’t vanish, rather we get used to living each day with the thought of them gone.

 Time flies and simultaneously makes sure that we move on. But, little does it know that even though the past is layered by a gorgeous present, some day when we wake up in the morning, even the tiniest memory of those days can sink our heart like never before.

It’s been a while since…. 

It’s been a while since we spoke over coffee.
It’s been a while since our laughs giggled out loud.

It’s been a while since our eyes cried hard.

It’s been a while since we’ve been us.

My heart keeps asking me about you,

while my eyes keep looking for the old vibe.

I know it’s still there,

but what I miss is the togetherness.

All I wish to say is

that I’ve missed you!

A little more than i show,

and much more than you will ever know.

Ok I end this now

cuz’ I’ve seen you today.

And, now I’ve met us.

This moment with you, my pearl,

shall stay for a little while

inside my heart.

Till the next time

since we’ll be again apart.

  – 25/04/2017

An Old Glory

It’s been a pretty long time,

That smiles smiled with heart. 

It’s been a pretty long time,

That words talked with heart.

In the blissful memory of-

A friend who stayed along,

A friend who held on,

A friend to laugh with,

And a friend to cry for.

‘Moving on’ are just two words to say,

In real, it’s to create a new world to stay.

For, you were the reason i loved LOVE.

For, you were the reason i learnt the BURNS.

No pleasures would ever match the joy of a text from you.

Bring me all treasures of the world.

Leaving it, I would still chose to go on a drive with you.

It’s okay if you chose to walk away.

The laughs still survive.

The talks still breathe somewhere.

The tears still haven’t dried.

The good times still wish to be lived loud.

And, the secrets still hold a desire to be spelled out.

What went wrong is not the question.

Today, what went right is what I live with. Your voice can still brighten my day,

Your smile is what I miss the most,

While not seing yours, mine is lost.

How I wish we had a story!

Never did i picture us to be an old glory.

Those eyes!

Those eyes!

They haunt me every day.

They fill me with an unwanted distrust.

They keep staring at me

until they are satisfied.

And, trust me, they never are.

Those eyes!

They surround me

with an unusual discomfort.

They trouble my senses

with a million questions,

and murder my shyness

for their few moments of breeze.

They delight themselves

with my sexy legs,

yet judge me everytime

I don that short dress.

They gaze my cleavage with delight,

yet warn me about the kind of clothes I wear.

Those eyes are the ones I fear.

I did fear them yesterday

as I lacked knowledge.

I fear them today

as I know they lack knowledge.

I will fear them tomorrow,

knowing that this will never change.

But the haunt still continues

while I have now learnt

to give it back on their face

and kick them in the right place.