Sweet nothings

To the beautiful rhythm of old music, I danced as if I was a teenager in love. It was the new years’ eve & I had a set plan to simply laze around at home in my new PJs. The clock struck 10 at night & I stepped out in my balcony to watch the outside world go gaga about the year coming to an end. I wondered how could people be so much into all the jazz; I feel it weird to even think about celebrating my birthday. Maybe it’s just the 26th taking over. Or maybe it was just pretty much me to be by myself with books & music & a little breath. I sat down on my velvety mattress & took out my diary to see if I could pen down a few words about this cycle of the ends and beginnings.
As I flipped through the pages, an endearing sound wowed me. It was my favorite song playing in my cute SAREGAMA instrument – “Maine tere liye hi saat rang k…..” & for a moment, I wished I had someone to tap a toe with. Anyhoo.. I came across some old writings that I’d probably written few years back, & I realized I had left these pages untouched for quite a while now. Grinning up on the nostalgic feeling, I recollected every word & revisited every story I once lived. I knew these were the letters I’d written to a person I claimed to be mine. Each letter had a different version of love. If one spelled anger, the other giggled with care. If one revealed some secrets, the other did a little romantic dance. I read & read & read until I reached a hidden note that said, “You’re my little something that I’ll always miss, no matter how happy or sad I am.”
I immediately shut the book, & hid it behind the little closet so it wouldn’t be easily accessible. It was easier to deal with emotions when eyes don’t stumble upon the memories over & over again.
I went to the kitchen, made me a cup of delciously tempting hot chocolate & ran to the sofa with the idea of spending the rest of evening with a fun Bollywood movie. And hey… What’s better than watching Govinda when everything around you makes you go blah!? It’s strange that you have the most fun when you don’t have to use a lot of your brain & heart. It’s just that time when you’re you. It was 11:45pm & I stepped out to the balcony again to see if the excited champs were still in their senses. It was all loud & messy outside, but so was my inner self. I decided to lay down in there & there & welcome the new year, sending a wink at the stars dancing in the sky. As the clock was nearing to scream 12:00, there was a weird anxiety that took over in absolutely no time, & I wasn’t surprised at all because this was me – cheery, happy loner, sad, anxious, bubbly, scared, matured, childlike, depressed, jovial yet aloof. I did nothing about my current state of mind & let it pass, staring at the sky. I knew it was few seconds to 2019 when I could hear the countdown.. 10..9..
I smiled at myself thinking – Am I the only one who has no one to celebrate this eve with? Just then I heard my bell ring, & it left me in the state of surprise. Happy, but confused, I ran to the door, & opened it to find a goofy face screaming HAPPY NEW YEAR, my sweetest nothing. Yes! It was my best friend & she’d popper in like the cutest miracle of new year & trust me, I couldn’t have been happier. “What’re you doing here?” “I thought you were not coming?”, I asked her, even though I didn’t care enough to listen to the answer. I was just happy to have her with me. She gave me a hug, so tight, that I almost died, & said – “I knew you were doing nothing, & I had plans, but I thought it would be fun to do nothing with you instead of doing the silly somethings with someone else.” And I could only say – “Whatever!” & felt like going all gaga about the fact that she was here.
Sometimes, it’s not the age that stops you, but that someone that you need for every little something happening around you. Love has a weird way of existing. It stays in different versions with everyone, if only we had the time to see it. We often pressurize love to be romantic, but we forget to see the different kinds of romance in every relation we build. Don’t make someone your little something & let them take it away when they leave. Instead, what I suggest is make a little something out of every bond you have with everyone & then you’ll never lose those tiny bits of your love. In the search of my little something, I found my sweet nothing.

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A 90s’ darling

I’m a 90s’ darling. I talk, I scream. I dance, I twirl. I sing, and I’m insanely proud of my broken notes & messed up lyrics. I write quirky notes. I stumble every-day & laugh at the silly heartbeat that I am. I preach my own thoughts and crave to explore every bit that screams – life. I have ideas that will drive you nuts and emotions that are curled up creatively to nurture hearts. I own myself, nothing less, nothing more and strive to owe nothing to anyone. I know what we want & what I’m asking for. I know my boundaries & the ability of my wings. I’ve grown up with the desire to do things in all the weirdly different ways. I love dramatically. I work, not only because I need money but also because we love being busy & indulged in something that makes my heart happy. I say “No” unapologetically. I’m awesomely rude & proudly mean at times, which works absolutely well for me. I don’t believe in the need of being good. I have a set of people I need around me when there’s something significant, good or bad, happening in my life. I celebrate the little joys in our ways, which are weird as fuck & jaw-droppingly amazing. I am awesome, I feel. But, there’s a thing – I don’t know how to deal with the orthodox mentality. I know freedom, and I know the light of self-worth & the magic that lies in change. I’m way out of your league when it comes to clothes, because if I love shorts for its comfort, I also can’t miss out on a saree’s beauty. And, Oh my god! I could definitely marry Pyjamas for the way they wrap me up in their warmth. I believe in the word ‘You’. It strengthens & mesmerizes me like nothing else. I’m a 90s’ darling, & I’ve grown up to be what my heart giggles the most in being. I’m an old book with a freaky kinda romance. I’m a Christmas miracle and a Diwali firework. I blast with surprises when you least expect me to. I’m trapped in the idea of freedom; I beg you not to save me


Say something nice 🐾

Some taps and licks on the feet was a sign that it was morning already. Hrida woke up to a gorgeous face with sparkling eyes that stared at her blankly. She smiled at li’l Mr. Joey, gave him uncounted kisses & snuggled him until he managed to free himself off her hold. The four-legged fellow then lead her to the balcony where they stood every morning watching mother nature flutter with joy. It was the morning after Christmas, & it couldn’t have been more beautiful, she thought. Hrida made herself a cup of tea & some delicious breakfast. She relished each sip & bite while the fur ball kept sniffing the gifts lying there from last night. Clueless of the big surprise waiting for her in one of the boxes, Hrida was in no mood to sit down & open them then.

The morning had embraced her with a pleasant charm that she didn’t want to slip off her hands. She sat on the swing in her balcony & let her thoughts embrace her with amazement. Taking in one thought at a time, she closed her eyes and smiled thinking of the kiss she had last night. She suddenly heard a bark & ran to check what Joey was up to. She ran to the living room and was thrilled to see her furry baby annoyed at a pigeon sitting on the window. She cracked up with laughter when she saw him jumping simultaneously while the pigeon hopped from one end of the window to another. She waved the pigeon away and ran behind Joey and had a fun run with him across the hall.

The morning passed by smoothly & with the afternoon, came a yummy bowl of pudding & custard. She chose to Netflix & chill for a bit. The evening rushed in and along came the blissful aura. Hrida sat down near the Christmas tree for a while. Since there was nothing to do, she thought of opening the gifts to see what her Santa friends had left for her. One gift after another, each one widened the smile on her face. After opening few gifts, she saw a small one hiding underneath all. It was wrapped in brown paper & had a dog sticker on it. Hrida blushed while opening it because she’d already guessed this Santa’s name.

She found a box that opened to a ring & a note that said – “Marry Me!”

Li’l Joey came to lick her face as he saw her crying. She smiled with tears in her eyes, thinking of her Christmas wish this year.

Hrida reached the refrigerator & took out a chocolate pastry & finished it in one go. After all, what better than having chocolate when you’re extremely happy!?

As soon as she finished her cake, she heard someone open the main door. She knew it was him, & the pace of her heartbeat increased like no one’s business. Aarav smiled when he saw her smiling at him. “Oh! So, you got it!?”, he said. Hrida nodded in approval. He went down on his knees, and before he could utter anything, she said – “Say something nice!”

So, he said, “I’m here to stay!”

But, before she could go & hug him, Mr. Joey jumped on Aarav with licks that said, “This is what ‘Staying’ looks like, Hooman!”

And, the home shone with laughter.


To a place, so close to my heart🌻

There are places that we’ve left behind because life wanted us to move on. There are places we would never forget, despite never wanting to go back. There are places that hold a piece of us, no matter how long it has been since we walked out of there. There are places we think of everyday and can’t stop imagining how it would’ve been if we never left. There are places that don’t ever leave us; they make it a point to visit us in bits and pieces of all the memories we knit there. We miss those places for sure. Our heart wishes to live it all again because no matter what, life giggled a lot then. And yes!! Those places… They miss you too; maybe a lot more than you do. This morning, I stepped into my workplace, beautifully dancing with lights and lanterns, and I couldn’t help but revisit every moment I lived in a place, so close to my heart. This is me, wishing you, happy place, a very good morning and jolly festivities✨
#aboutlastyear #diwali #lastyear #nostalgicmornings #morningpost #ting #iksula #bingingonsomethingcalledlove #🌤


Turning 25

Hola, November ✨

Feels like it was only yesterday that I walked into my 20s & let the tinges of adulthood kiss me fresh vibes of a world, weird, yet beautiful. It was only yesterday that I was a messed up soul with absolutely no clue about where my life was taking me & what could be the driving force of my days. I still remember the thousand thoughts fooling around with each other in my mind. They still come to see me every once in a while.
Ah! Proudly, I’m still a messed up soul with a mind, loaded with entangled thoughts; only that this time, I know how to filter them all and show the unwanted ones their way out. This time, I know the driving force of my days can only be love, sprinkled with a little wisdom.

Turning 25 is no big deal, but all of a sudden, as I’m inching closer to that number, I feel a lot more #nofilter & amazingly stubborn about my choices & preferences. I don’t know about being wiser; it hasn’t tickled my senses so far, but for now, I want to believe I’m still a little silly. Well!! I want to let my stupidity breathe for a little more while.

Turning 25 has triggered my love for reading more & more. I’m falling out of love for my jeans & welcoming comfort to my beloved wardrobe. I’m gladly binging on something called love. Love that is a messed up world. Love that is going to fix us, no matter what.

Turning 25 is no big deal, but all of a sudden, the world looks simpler or maybe I’m untying the complications that used to keep my mind occupied for no reason. At this point in time, 25 looks like the ‘NO FUCKS GIVEN’ zone, and it feels good to feel like that. Nah! I don’t feel old, but I think I’m starting to feel too comfortable in my own skin.

So…. Darling 25,
You may look like a bigger number, but for me, you’re just as old as I am, & I am only me, young, wild & free. Know that I’m in search of something; and I still have to figure out what. We can discuss this over a year’s time while we’re stumbling half drunk on our own thoughts and words. Until we’re holding hands, let’s learn a bit about love and a little more about ourselves.

Happy 25th November, Me 💜

Yours truly..

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Undo yourself!!

Undo yourself. Every letter, every word, every fucking sentence you must’ve ever said with love, in love, or out of love. Undo it all by revisiting every emotion you ever swallowed in just because it didn’t feel right to be spelled out loud. Undo the little bits of you that stopped you from doing weird, or should I say crazy things. Undo it just for the heck of it because you need to give yourself a chance to do it. Undo the time when you could’ve danced like no one was watching, but you were busy watching someone else smile with a twinkle in their eyes. Undo that moment. Dance it out, because, my love, that will make your body feel loved.Undo every memory that makes you cry and regret even the smallest moment of your life. Wash them off firmly like you would take a spot off a white tee. Undo your fear of pouring your heart out. Undo it by saying your shit, even if spelling it again and again and again would hurt someone else. Well!! It’s gonna make you feel better. Nothing else matters!! Undo your sanity that made you believe that it was all wrong. Undo it because while you’re revisiting it all now, being sane makes no sense. You looked prettier and so much lost in love when you chose to be insane. Undo every bit of yourself that told you not to do it. Imagine yourself following your heart again and again. Imagine yourself doing things you chose not to do. Would it make sense? Yes? Well then, undo yourself. It’s never to late. Undo yourself with so much love that your heart never feels out of love. .


You got to do what you got to do!

It was 6 in the morning and I woke up with a funny headache that made me want to go back to sleep but at the same time, didn’t let me. I made myself a cup of strong coffee and sat down at my window with a book and a pen. Ahh! I thought it would make the perfect team – morning, coffee, book, pen, and a bunch of thoughts to pen down. I couldn’t be more wrong as nothing helped me with any thoughts and words. It was as if I didn’t know what writing was. It was as if words were upset with me for some reason and refused to make any sort of eye contact.

Considering this denial of friendship as some kind of writer’s block, I moved on to see how beautiful my neighborhood looked with the sun flaunting its light to wish the birds, flowers,trees, and us a lovely morning. The sky looked peaceful, and the breeze felt cozy. Sip after sip, the morning vibe started sinking into my soul, and a splash of freshness gradually took away the headache.

The moment I finished my coffee, a sparrow happened to visit me. She greeted me with some cheerful chirps, and kept hopping from one end of my window to another. This went on for good 5-10minutes. I didn’t really understand what was happening, but the act continued. After a while, I stood up to keep my coffee mug in the kitchen. When I returned, I saw the sparrow sitting right where I sat earlier. There was a plate with her food in it, which I was unaware of. She knew it because that was her routine. It was her time to eat and she did all that she could to explain me about it all.

I watched her have her breakfast, while also thinking about something that I was running away from. A little sparrow taught me something that day –

You got to do what you got to do. Not everyone will understand what and why you’re doing something. Not everyone will feel it important to know about your feelings and your ways of dealing with them. But, only because they don’t understand, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. You have to stick to your ways of getting through something. Had the sparrow given up on making me understand that she was there to have her meal, she wouldn’t have been able to have her treats. I did not understand her way, but she still made it through. And that is what counts.

I don’t know what struck me then, but I immediately opened the book and started writing –

Every time I see and hear you laugh, I kid you not, my heart cringes a little…..

Ahh! I guess the words are ready to look right into my eyes. And oh! These words! The way they look at you.